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Put a Cork In It

Image result for free jpeg images of wine bottle and corkI’m 17 hours sober.  It was 10pm last night when I poured and finished the last glass of wine, that also polished off the bottle I started at 6pm.  In typical fashion the fun and buzz of the finished bottle soon turned to shame.  You see, I’ve been wanting to quit for a long time now and have been doing all kinds of research.  I’ve been visiting websites, blogs and spending a lot of time on the site Tired of Thinking of Drinking.  Ironically some of those nights I was researching with my beloved glass of wine in hand.

I always thought of myself as a “social” drinker and I was at first. I was a great social drinker for years ever since I turned 21.  I was fun at parties, friends and new acquaintances were always awed and amused at my ability to drink most any guy under the table and I was a tiny thing at the young age of 21!

While I marked the start of this post 17 hours sober, I’m not a drink day and night girl.  No, I’m a responsible drinker always to work on time (except for today I called in sick but more on that later) hungover but on time and during the week I never drink during the day.  No I’m responsible, I wait until I barley close the front door after work to pour the first beautiful glass.  I have spent many commutes home from work thinking if I had enough wine to get me through the night or in the more recent drives trying to talk myself out of stopping to grab that bottle or to pour the first glass and I almost always lose that fight.  Honestly, that bottle of wine has become my best friend, boyfriend, confidant,  it’s been my go to for loneliness for 10 years.

After reading days worth of material on the Tired of Thinking of Drinking site I stopped for a week and felt great.  Except I only did a week, I mean my birthday was coming up and how unfun would it be to not drink on my birthday.  Last night as I was wallowing in shame over the bottle and a half I drank Friday night, then finished the rest of the bottle Saturday along with the beer and straw-ber-rita in the fridge once again saying this is it.  Sunday I managed to buy another bottle only to drink it all, it was then I decided to call in sick today and get my act together.  I started my day working on the shame and guilt I felt for calling in sick then spent the rest of my time reading real stories, many like my own, of people who have done this.  My house is now clear of all alcohol, I made a list of things I do when I drink and things I do when I don’t drink and will share those down the road I’m sure. I decided to blog to have a place to put my feelings, to hold myself accountable and maybe inspire someone else along the way.

As I hit save on this post I’m heading back to the Tired website logging in my date for the 100 day challenge.  I’m ready to be a better person, I’m ready to enjoy life again and I’m ready for???  Well, we’ll see as this goes on 🙂

 

 

Day 2

Image result for birds soaringDay 2 is different than I imagined but in such a good way, I’ve seen day 2 before but it had been filled with anxiety, frustration and questioning the decision to stop.

I had been questioning the timing of this journey.  I mean my Mom is coming to visit in 2 weeks and the first thing she wants to do is sit outside in the warm southern sun drinking a margarita, who am I to deprive her of that bonding time. Then Halloween and the costume themed community bar crawl is only a few weeks away, then Thanksgiving and how can you cook Thanksgiving dinner without some wine and of course the big finale of Christmas with another bar crawl (usually ugly sweater themed) and New Years Eve.  How on earth could I miss out on all that “fun”.   Honestly these events have weighed on me HEAVILY for weeks.

How do you tell your Mom that you don’t want that margarita or afternoon beer with lunch.  So many thoughts came to mind do I tell her I’m on an antibiotic?  Bad heartburn? A friend and I are doing a challenge?   Or better yet the challenge group is for Church?  How can she say anything about Church!   My Mom has been my biggest worry, while my friends will find it odd I feel confident all I have to say is “I’m just not drinking anymore” and they will shrug it off and keep on walking to the next bar in the crawl that day.

This Day 2 was different I woke up this morning feeling rested, no anxiety, guilt or shame and best of all hangover free.  I feel like a huge weight has been lifted and that weight for me has been the decision to stop.  I have clarity, once I decided to stop and hold myself accountable. This is not about the drinking events, rushing home so I can grab that 1st glass or what anyone might think of me.  I know there will be plenty of hard days ahead but that’s not today.  Today is good, today was getting through the day without obsessing when I’ll get home to my Pinot Noir, today is not stressing about what to say 2 weeks from now, today is I feel FREE.