I’m 17 hours sober. It was 10pm last night when I poured and finished the last glass of wine, that also polished off the bottle I started at 6pm. In typical fashion the fun and buzz of the finished bottle soon turned to shame. You see, I’ve been wanting to quit for a long time now and have been doing all kinds of research. I’ve been visiting websites, blogs and spending a lot of time on the site Tired of Thinking of Drinking. Ironically some of those nights I was researching with my beloved glass of wine in hand.
I always thought of myself as a “social” drinker and I was at first. I was a great social drinker for years ever since I turned 21. I was fun at parties, friends and new acquaintances were always awed and amused at my ability to drink most any guy under the table and I was a tiny thing at the young age of 21!
While I marked the start of this post 17 hours sober, I’m not a drink day and night girl. No, I’m a responsible drinker always to work on time (except for today I called in sick but more on that later) hungover but on time and during the week I never drink during the day. No I’m responsible, I wait until I barley close the front door after work to pour the first beautiful glass. I have spent many commutes home from work thinking if I had enough wine to get me through the night or in the more recent drives trying to talk myself out of stopping to grab that bottle or to pour the first glass and I almost always lose that fight. Honestly, that bottle of wine has become my best friend, boyfriend, confidant, it’s been my go to for loneliness for 10 years.
After reading days worth of material on the Tired of Thinking of Drinking site I stopped for a week and felt great. Except I only did a week, I mean my birthday was coming up and how unfun would it be to not drink on my birthday. Last night as I was wallowing in shame over the bottle and a half I drank Friday night, then finished the rest of the bottle Saturday along with the beer and straw-ber-rita in the fridge once again saying this is it. Sunday I managed to buy another bottle only to drink it all, it was then I decided to call in sick today and get my act together. I started my day working on the shame and guilt I felt for calling in sick then spent the rest of my time reading real stories, many like my own, of people who have done this. My house is now clear of all alcohol, I made a list of things I do when I drink and things I do when I don’t drink and will share those down the road I’m sure. I decided to blog to have a place to put my feelings, to hold myself accountable and maybe inspire someone else along the way.
As I hit save on this post I’m heading back to the Tired website logging in my date for the 100 day challenge. I’m ready to be a better person, I’m ready to enjoy life again and I’m ready for??? Well, we’ll see as this goes on 🙂